Wednesday, January 23, 2013


So I took an on line test today on myself, and these are the results.


Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a "couple identity" with your partner.   Your answer patterns suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship.
Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times.


Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.
You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels.
Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.


Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.
People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements.
Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.  You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner.
Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.


Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.   Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to fit this description. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You are usually extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient, open and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are constantly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, and you can take the initiative and be assertive when needed. However, a defining characteristic of people in this range is that they do not rush to judgment. Rather, they pay attention, listen without jumping to conclusions and then reflect on information before responding. In a sentence, you seek both to understand others and for others to understand you.
Bottom line: you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.
Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are generally strong across all of these basic elements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome that is best for the relationship. In fact, a defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is the capacity to relinquish their control and pride for the greater good and growth of the relationship.
Bottom line: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.


Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.  Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are open to try various activities. In fact, you probably like to experiment actively. A defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is their willingness to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish – you like to focus on pleasing your partner and submitting to his/her desires.
Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates being the center of attention in the bedroom.
“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.  There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.” This means that you do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus, people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born.
Bottom line: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Heart & Soul

The heart a tiny hallow muscle the size of your fist that pumps blood through the blood vessels repeatedly.  It is what keeps you alive.  

The soul the immortal essence of a human being.   Every person has them both. 

You can hear your heart beat and feel it.  But can you see your soul?  Some think that you are the soul and that you don't have one.  Other's say that if you die your soul still lives on.  But truly the soul is within you, how you approach your life and it's obstacles that come your way define your soul. 

If we look deep within us it is there.  Bottom line is everyone has one. 

It's there and only you can feel it. Feel the beat and here it's beat. Only you can control how much it beats and how it feels.  Only you can give with all your heart and soul.

In the last two days, I have had people tell me I have a beautiful heart a kind soul.  Really how does one know how beautiful your heart is.  It cannot be seen it cannot even be touched, and reality is we look at pictures of our heart and it doesn't look to appeasing. 

I've had comments such as:

 "A kind giving soul" from a complete stranger. 
"Beautiful, mind, body and soul" from a dear friend.
"A big heart, that no matter what stays true to itself", from an uncle.

So I've heard these three statements in the last day.  What are they trying to tell me.   Am I special and unique?  I think we all are capable of having those three statements above.  I think we all have it in us to be a kind, giving and loving soul.  

Life has it's ups and downs, and we all come with baggage, but it's how we choose to deal with our baggage is the success we can ever achieve.

After all I am only me, and that is all I can be.  So if people see that within me then I take it as a compliment, because I have always lived my life treat others as you would want to be treated.


Sunday, January 20, 2013


Do we ever wonder why people do the things they do?  Do we analyze or question why it's done?  Of course we do, it's human nature, to analyze and to question.

Why do we do the things we do?  Why do we fall in love?   Why do we lie?  Why do we reject someone who loves us?  Questions we ask ourselves in our lives.  But reality is we may never know the  answers to any of  them.  Bottom line we can only speculate.

Lets start with "why do we reject someone who loves us?   The problem we reject is not for the  lack of love, it's for the fear of losing oneself in that love.  But love can be a beautiful thing, if we just give it a chance. 

What is love, many have different meanings of love.  It's the butterflies in your stomach, the  thought of never having to live without that person.  The one person you want to wake up to in the morning and the last one you want to say good night to.  The one that you run to when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Now don't get me wrong, there are many types of love, there is the love for your children, your parents and your friends, the ultimate love for your family.

But true love is what I'm talking about the love for your husband, wife or your partner.

What is love?  It is actually one of  the most difficult questions asked.  No one can truly give the proper definition of love.  Some say love is friendship that sets a fire for others.  Some say love is like luck you have have to go all the way to find it.  And truly no matter how you define it or feel it, love is the truth in human kind.

The quote, that stated, "love is patient, love is kind.  It has no envy nor  it  boasts itself and it is never proud, it rejoices over the evil and it seeks the truth.  Love always protects and preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life.  It is like the dream of your affection coming true. 

Love can occur between two or more individuals.  It bonds them and connects in a link of intimacy, independence.  It enhances the relationship and comforts  the soul.  Love is an experience not just a feeling.  The depth of this kind of love cannot be measured.

Lets look at the love between a mother and child it is unconditional cannot be measured at all. 

Between husband and wife or partner, can be attained with the magic of love.  It can be created.  We just need to focus on the goodness of the other person.  If one can do this easily then one can also love easily. 

Just let it be known that the meaning of love can change with each different relationship and it depends more on its concept of depth, versatitlity and complexity.

Some say love never exists, because of all the hatred that goes on in this world, but remember love is not responsible for that,  we as humans are.   We have forgotten the true meaning of love.  We are responsible for this hatred and anamosity that goes on in this world.

In the book of psychology there is three components to love:  Intimacy, commitment and passion.  Love also includes compatibility.  But I think that love is more of a journey to the unknown, and one is always afraid of the unknown.

Love can take us to many beautiful and wonderful places.  We just need to feel it within our hearts. 

Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible  than  the person who is miles away.  Ultimately the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey.  We need to understand each other and remember that nobody is perfect in this big world of ours.

So I leave you with this, be together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other, but always be there for each others needs.  And I know that once this is done love will blossom to strengthen your relationship with anyone that you love.

William Shakespeare said it best:

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.              

Thursday, January 17, 2013


We can't tell but wonder how much difference one person makes in the world.  We look inside ourselves questioning if we have the capacity for heroism and greatness.  But the truth is every time we take an action we make an impact.  Every single thing we do has an effect on the people around us, every choice we make sends ripples out into the world.  Our smallest acts of kindness can cause a chain reaction with unforseen benefits for people we have never met.  We might not win with thes results but they have been all the same!

A smile in the elevator a work may elate someone and make their day just that much better.  A good morning or a hello.  We truly never know how someone is feeling until we do that simple gesture.

This is my thought for today.